Saturday, February 16, 2008


Yes, it's my first time at blogging. I admit scares me. My friends and colleagues consider me to be pretty hip, but my old school ways seem to creep in and cause me to resist. In an attempt to allay my fears and come into the new century, I decided to join the millions of people that are already blogging and see where it goes. Surfing the web has taught me that there are a lot of people out there who have something to say--whether anyone reads them or not--so why shouldn't I get some of my views out there? Hopefully, someone will choose to read my blog and perhaps get something out of it.

I am always amazed when I meet gay people who have been blessed with successful, long-term relationships. I'm not talking five or six years, but more like twenty or twenty-five years. What do they know that I don't? I try, no really, I do! I just choose the wrong people. The fact that I'm not alone gives me some solace. It's always a fine line between those who have no life plan and those that are too ambitious. I fall somewhere in the middle and always end up with either of the extremes. The ambitiousless just want to work so that they can party and spend, and the overly ambitious have no room for anybody except #1. My life goal is to crack that code and find out why I always do that. In the meantime, finding the strength to live alone and content is my goal. I mean that in the least bitter sense. Of course I want to love and be loved, but I want the person and the timing to be right. Perhaps it would be easier if I had a type, but honestly, I don't. An old friend of mine once said that gay men want to date themselves. It makes a lot of sense, no? Afterall, in general, men don't like to adapt. They just like things the way they like them. THIS is problematic.

The other problem is alcohol. I drink, but know how to stop and don't use it as a means to forget what ails me. Am I the only one who thinks that the shame of the metaphoric "dark alleyways and bathrooms" of our gay past has been seemingly transmitted by osmosis to us from those who went before us, making our brothers and sisters dependent on their "juice" to interact and find the courage to let down their guards in order to connect? We connect, all right. We connect too quickly, skew our perceptions and end up with accelerated realities based on who we think someone is rather than who they really are or who they have accepted themselves to be. This is a problem that most people, gay or straight, have in forging successful loving relationships. I've done it and seen it a lot, so I'm putting it out there for debate.

So I guess that's it for one day. I leave with you with one way to uplift your thought. Between the moment that you get up in the morning and the moment that you arrive at your place of employment, make an effort to notice three good things. During the day, whether a co-worker rubs you the wrong way or the barista at the coffee bar gets your order wrong for the fifth time this week (A frustrating sign of the times, like having to order fast food in a foreign language), replace the experience with one of these three good things. Trust me, it will make the day seem shorter. Have a better one tomorrow! (visit…-and-keeping-it/ for more information on this philosophy).


Cubby said...

I think that you are right that people commit too quickly and overlook important differences. I also think people hide their true selves from their new partners, causing a problem later on.

Anonymous said...

Story of my life. Meeting and dating people under "socially lubed" circumstances has always led me down the doomed and disasterous relationship path. It is easy to get caught up in an alter-reality.
I have turned a new chapter in my life. I really don't have any other option except to experience life as a happy, independant woman. Things should happen naturally in the relationship department.
Life is too precious to do otherwise.