Friday, August 1, 2008

I'm Coming Out...and My Pendant Says It!

I was just reading a PDF of the August issue of Island Family Magazine in Hawaii, which I received from the editor today, and I saw a news item about Due Date Charms (available at, which are maternity necklaces that state the month that your child is due on a handmade rectangular nickel pendant. You can also have a individual message added to the back side if you so desire. Oh, how I love social convention.

They should definitely make these for gay men. In our case, though, they should say things like “husband not due: in my lifetime” “healthy relationship due: never,” or “I’m gay and available.” This would clear up any confusion about whether or not someone plays for the appropriate team. I wouldn’t mind wearing one, as long as I wasn’t going to a football game, JiffyLube, the south shore of Long Island or North Philly! Otherwise, any other venue would be fine, and I don’t think it would be like wearing a scarlet letter or a pink triangle. I get so tired of the whole metrosexual, get-your-gaydar-wires-crossed thing that I could scream. I hate the whole earring thing or the bandanna in your pocket thing, too. It’s like straight people had to take those things over and make them fashionable so they’d lose their edge and significance. To top it off, they like to throw us off and get us all excited for nothing with their tight jeans, unbuttoned tight shirts and highlighted hair (THIS JUST IN: Highlights are OUT for gay men!). We should just be able to ask a guy, as I was once asked by a piano player in Midtown in the 90s, “Are you a homo or what?” Until then, what says “I’m gayer than the night is long” than a charm necklace? Besides, it’s definitely less cheesy than pooka shells!

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